He wins the “weirdest customer” prize. Every time.
Every time LO and I walk up to a cash register, I hold my breath for just a few seconds. Waiting. Because, odds are, he’s about to say something interesting/entertaining/emberassing. Most likely, all of the above.
A few exaples from this past weekend in London:
1. The Polish store.
We went there to buy a slice of his favorite poppy seed cake. As we’re walking in, LO nudges me and says, “Okay, let’s not get carried away here!’ Fifteen minutes later, as we’re standing with out basket that HE packed with TWO cakes and at least 10 candy bars, he decides that he wants to get weiners, and hot pepperettes, and some cheese (yeah, totally NOT getting carried away). So we line up at the deli counter.
Now, the thing with the deli counter is that neither of us really understands the “weights” that the meats/cheese come in. We never order “10 grams” of cheese; we order “10 slices”. Which is weird enough. But then LO decides to make his order like this (while holding his cake box opened in hand, eating with a plastic fork even before he leaves the store):
Girl: What would you like?
LO: Some cheese.
Girl: Which type?
LO: Umm, a good one. With holes.
Girl: (looking confused, eyes scanning the line-up of at least 10 cheeses with holes in the display and points to one). Is this one okay?
LO: Yeah, that looks good.
Girl: How much?
LO: 2-3 centimeters
Girl: (confused) Centimeters?
LO: Yes. Two or three.
Bet that was the first time in the history of this girl’s deli career that she had to fill an order for “2-3 centimetres of a cheese with holes”.
Before we walk into the rental place, LO likes to call it from the road and speak to someone about what new movies are out. The thing is, it doesn’t matter who picks up the phone, he’ll go all into “Hey, Lisa, how’s it going?” as if he’s known them forever, then talk for five minutes about what he/she thinks about My Sister’s Keeper (calling it “the cancerous girl” instead of its real title), then leaving a few movies on hold for us under a ridiculous nickname, such as Yogi Bear. This gets funny sometimes when he walks in and the person he spoke to is no longer in, and the new girl gives him the best “what the fuck is wrong with you?” look when he asks for the movies under that name.
3. Clothing store
I was cashing out some sweaters at the mall, when LO adds on a pair of pajamas, which he has chosen by placing them against him waist because he doesn’t feel like trying them on. As the girl is ringing me up, she tells him that he can exchange them or return them if he gets home and they don’t fit well. Now, any normal person would nod and smile and say something like “okay then”, but LO turns to her and says, in a serious face, “Unless they have pee stains, right?” The girl didn’t get it, and responds with, “Oh no! These have never been worn. They are clean”, thinking he meant that he might find the pants soiled when he gets them home. The joke had failed, so in my head, I’m thinking, “Okay, this could have been a lot more emberassing if the girl got the joke!”. But, instead of walking away, LO just can’t live it down. “No, no,” he says. “I meant MY pee stains. I meant I can’t return them if I leave my pee stains in them. RIGHT?” A look fills the girl’s face. She isn’t impressed, but she’s trying not to be rude. She makes one of those smiles that people make when they see a baby spit all over itself, like “Ohh, no, then you can’t return them,” she says. And a smile fills LO’s face. She got it.