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He counsels complete strangers. In Brampton.

October 3, 2009

Sometime last year, LO and I took a nice evening stroll in a park in Brampton (yes, in Brampton). We came upon a swing set and, naturally, I wanted to swing and yell “Weeeee!” so we made our way over. When we got there, there was already another couple talking on the swing set next to ours. An offbeat-looking woman named Eva with beautiful curly hair and her boyfriend, Shawn, I think. Of course, LO, finding a new audience for himself, engaged these people in a conversation that somehow led to a lot of information being divulged about who we all are. And, somehow, in the midsts of all this, this couple reveals that, before we came around, they were actually at this swing set breaking up with each other.

Ummmmm, awkward!!

For most people.

When I hear information like this, I tend to hum to myself in standard normal-person “dodododo” way, as if everything is perfectly fine. I don’t pry. I don’t investigate further. I don’t even know them so, really, I don’t even care.

Of course, LO’s immediate response is, “Oh. WHY?”

As he says this, I’m pretty much ready for Eva to cast a spell on us and make us disappear, or Shawn, who has been a little quiet this whole time, to ask why the hell that is any of his business.

Except, this is LO. He has “special powers”. He is seemingly approachable and friendly and, perhaps, the nosy feature that he comes standard-packaged with makes these people feel like he actually DOES care (and, creepy enough, he probably does).

So, they start to open up. About everything. How they have been treating each other lately. How money is getting in the way. Their sex life. What their friends and family think about their relationship. EVERYTHING.

For me, this has TMI written all over it. But LO listens intently, nods his head, interjects occasionally with, “So, Eva, Shawn is basically saying that he wants you to be more accepting of his work. How do you feel about that?” and “So Shawn, Eva is basically saying that you’re not pulling your weight. What can you do to make her feel like things are more balanced?”

And they responding!! Divulging. Sharing.

To me, this is all just a little fucked up. But LO is like the Dog Whisperer. He’s healing these people. Getting to communicate. And say odd things like “Well, LO, I never looked at it this way until you put it in those words.”

I really really want to laugh out loud and say, “Are you people kidding me?”

But then a security guy comes along and tells us that we need to leave the park. It’s been at least an hour, and they’re closing it for the night.

Great, I think, time to go home and get away from this Maury Povich moment.

Until Eva and Shawn, almost in unison, invite us to the pub across the street. Because they want to continue talking, this is getting them somewhere. And they’re going to buy us drinks and food.

So, we end up at the pub. Until 2 a.m. Hashing out these people’s entire relationship. Well, LO is, anyway. I’m just kind of listening in and jumping in any time they ask us something about OUR relationship. Because that is weird. And messed up. Obviously.

At the end of the night, we’re all a little bit tipsy. We make plans to hang out again sometime (we never did). And Shawn and Eva say they’re going to re-consider staying together.

WTF!!

No idea if they ever did or not, because they never returned LO’s emails (which I still make fun of him for – I think they MUST have sobered up and started wondering just what kind of creepy person hangs out in parks and counsels troubled strangers over beer.)

My creepy person. That’s WHO.

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